It’s been kind of a rough week.

Well, I kicked off on Monday with a new laceration.
This is my third one. Well, technically the fourth. The last ‘third’ one has joined with number two.

This new one is right in the middle, follows the old scar, and only warranted Scapel Five instead of Three for some reason.

The new sibling is right on the curve – so it is particularly thorny when sitting down, moving, stretching…

Unlike the others, I’m having a hard time boxing in the pain.

So, of course, I got to keep poking at it.

On Tuesday, all the glassware and most of the pots and pans were removed from the kitchen cabinets. Washing, scrubbing, and reorganization occurred.

That was a lot of twisting, bending, and reaching.

Tuesday’s mom visit was quite painful.

Wednesday was the usual cleaning – bed sheets, washing towels, and, as bonus, I reorganized a forgotten corner of the living room. Random games, video game controllers, dust, yarn… all was pulled out, tossed, dusted, and reorganized.

I also dusted underneath the TV, TV stand, pulled out the speakers… Just the electronics that are used but often forgotten.

Dust Bunny City.

Again, lots of twisting, bending…

Mom’s Wednesday visit was quite painful.

Thursday I actually backed off.
I slept in. Woke up in a sweat. I felt like I was on fire for most of the day and clammy as a Scooby villain in the evening. But I did manage to do a bit more organizing. Just not a lot.

Thursday’s visit wasn’t so bad.
But I don’t think I was mentally available to fully enjoy it.

Friday was a blessed massage.
It’s been two weeks. I’ve been looking forward to it.
For half of the massage, I lay on my back – on that new child wound – and the bandage filled with blood.

It’s not the massage.
He stayed away from it, as legal and personal policy. It was just lying flat.

And, yes, it hurt all day.

Mom’s visit really wasn’t that bad.
I’m not sure if it was just the moving around of fluid from the massage or if I’m finally starting to enclose the pain in a box.

But yesterday was a real winner.

* Trip to Madison (car seats = ouch)

* Sat with a bunch of people I have no clue who they are for someone’s birthday I don’t think I really ever met. No anxiety there!

* The buffet place was fairly nasty. Or, at least for me, it was. I went for the grill since it was Chinese and everything else was fried, old, and dry. The chicken was frozen. I had to attack it with tongs to chip some off. It was cooked – but tasted like saminilla. I only ate a few bites.

Bonus – since I didn’t really eat, nothing could get stuck in my throat. I didn’t have to gag in front of a bunch of strangers.

* The booth was hard-backed. Double ouch on that new laceration.

After a brief walk around a new Walmart, we got back in the car.

Serious kudos and love to Jason.
— He made sure the grill guy made the chicken without oil or butter. He stood strong with his arms crossed while I tried to desperately hide my anxiety about being at a buffet with a bunch of strangers.

— I hate to have my picture taken, and he alerted me to someone who was trying to do so. I didn’t even think of that danger. Fortunately, that was stopped.

— He mowed that evening and even got in front of the mailbox. He also secured the crawlspace door.

My man was vigilant and caring.
Like – wow.

That’s what I need.
He’s being attentive and strong.
As I continue to degrade, he’s supportive.

Honestly, it’s very attractive and provides hope.

Maybe I’m not as alone as I feel like I am most of the time. We’re more of a unit instead of two individuals under the same roof.

But — I don’t know if this will last.
It’s imposing. It could make him feel like he should meet unreasonable expectations. If he’s doing this because of me, I’m just more of a drain.

He should do this because he wants.

I don’t know.
It’s complicated.

But – I’ll take what I can get.
And he’s more than I deserve – sometimes. =)